Setting healthy boundaries: Maintaining Health Relationships

If you’ve ever been in a difficult relationship, one where you felt disrespected or mistreated, you know just how important it is to set boundaries. Healthy boundaries help create a dynamic of trust and respect, and foster an environment of honesty and safety in relationships. They help you identify how you feel about yourself and your place in the world.

Your personal boundaries are the guidelines that let people know how they should treat you and what you are willing to accept into your life. It is not self-serving or ego-centric to have boundaries. Quite the opposite! Healthy boundaries actually help relationships become more honest, straightforward, and respectful of everyone involved. It is having a clear picture of your worth, understanding your feelings, and communicating these feelings effectively. 

Healthy boundaries:

• Empower you to voice your feelings with loved ones and peers 

• Strengthen your awareness of self-worth and self-respect

• Establish expectations for what you will and will not allow in your life
• Communicate your priorities, principles, and values to others

Do you know where you draw the line in relationships? If not, don’t worry! Here are a few ways to discover your boundaries:

Find out how you really feel.
People in your life need to respect your boundaries, but in order to set boundaries in relationships, you first need to find out what they are. This means tapping into your personal beliefs, opinions, and standards for how others treat you. If you’re not used to setting boundaries, it might take time to find out how you really feel about yourself and your relationships. To get started:

• Identify situations that make you feel uncomfortable, unsafe, or frustrated. What do these situations have in common? What boundaries are being crossed to make you feel that way?
• Imagine looking at a situation from an outside perspective. Do your feelings about the situation change once you have a different vantage point? What are your true feelings once the fear of judgment or retribution is gone?

Step outside your comfort zone. 
If setting boundaries with others feels unfamiliar to you, don’t worry—finding your voice takes time. People in your life are used to you reacting a certain way, and if that changes, it might take them off guard. However, the more you step outside of your comfort zone and begin expressing your thoughts and feelings, the more the people around you will see and respect your boundaries. To begin making your boundaries more clear:

• Use a few starter statements to help you communicate how you feel to others in a direct way. When setting healthy boundaries, you could say, “I am not comfortable,” “I need to express my feelings about this,” or, “That doesn’t work for me.”
• Don’t be afraid to upset people who don’t respect your boundaries. When someone seems off towards you it doesn’t feel comfortable, but it’s important to maintain your boundaries, even if someone else doesn’t like it. 

Get the support you need to stay strong.
When you’re attempting to establish boundaries with the people in your life, finding the right support is important. Not only can a solid support structure offer reassurance and encouragement that you’re doing the right thing, but it also helps you feel less alone when you’re finding your voice. To find the support you need:

• Talk to a trusted loved one or Peer who can help empower you to set healthy boundaries with others. Sharing experiences with a Kindly Human Peer not only helps you know you’re not alone but also allows you to feel inspired, encouraged, and supported along the way.
• Listen to the experiences of Peers who have successfully navigated boundary setting in relationships. Through Kindly Human, you’ll have access to thousands of Peer stories from people who have been right where you are and get the struggle. 

When you set boundaries in relationships, it allows your voice to be heard and your feelings to be validated. By establishing your boundaries to those around you, it delivers a clear message: your feelings matter!